Tag: satire

This. Changes. Everything.

this.changes.everything.notypeThis. Changes. Nothing. Seriously, it doesn’t.

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This man decided to make a sandwich, but you WON’T BELIEVE what happened next. My jaw dropped! How is this even possible? An AMAZING life hack you NEED to see! You’ve been doing it wrong your whole life. This. Changes. EVERYTHING.

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For the full story, CLICK HERE
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Uh, I put the jam on first when I’m making a PB and J. 

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© 2015 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved

Better Than You

It’s inevitable, it seems, to encounter someone like this along life’s journey…

Hello, I’m new here.
I am better than you.
I’m smarter and kindlier
— Cleverer too!

You’re stupid – you’re snooty –
You’re unworthy of my precious time.
As for me, it’s plain to see:
I’m magnificent and sublime!

While I am Secretariat,
Or perhaps Seattle Slew,
The rest of you, a sorry lot,
Are destined to become glue.

This may seem rather blunt,
But that’s just how I am.
If my directness hurts you,
Well, I don’t give a damn.

Please do not advise me
To better communicate.
I’m quite capable in that regard;
My intent is to berate.

Indeed, what I am doing
Should be welcomed by you all.
In pointing out your shortcomings,
I’m cushioning the fall.

By laying out the facts,
I don’t mean to be unkind.
My superiority, once accepted,
Is a comfort, you will find.

Alas, a point of verity:
No one else is very bright.
It’s best to just acknowledge
That I am always right!

I’ll explain it again
(Since you’re all somewhat slow):
What I speak is the truth,
Because I say so.

My logic is impeccable,
My thought processes grand.
Differing with me is clear proof
That you don’t understand.

Your views would be of value
If they jelled with my opinions.
Though challenges don’t suit me,
I always welcome minions.

Yet by small-minded drudges,
I’ve been taunted and eschewed,
For showing the stupendousness
With which I am imbued.

I simply cannot fathom
Why so many do not like me.
I told you that I’m fabulous —
Could anyone disagree?

You’re all too far beneath me;
I need a brief reprieve.
Climbing back aboard my high horse,
I’ll take my humble leave.

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© 2013 by M.P. Witwer. All rights reserved.