Stories, Poems & News

All [Bleeped] Up

“That won’t fly.”

“What won’t?” she asked.

“From the third line on,” he replied, reading over her shoulder as she typed. “A story full of obscenities won’t ever win a writing contest.”

Exasperated, she considered how to sanitize her micro-fiction entry, a gritty drama rife with blue language. Then inspiration struck, and she believed her ingenious editing would yield a surefire winner.

“All the profanity’s been bleeped out. What do you think now?”

“Makes it a [bleeped] up piece of [bleep], I’m sorry to say.”

“Oh, what the [bleep] do you know? You’re a [bleeping] accountant!”

~ The [Bleeping] End ~

* * *
© 2013 by M.P. Witwer • All rights reserved

‘Writer’s Block’ short story available as ebook

My short story “Writer’s Block” is available as an ebook published by Select Stories. The story follows a noted writer who hits the wall with her current project and heads to the beach to concentrate on her work, but instead finds an endearing distraction or two. It has been called “magnificently well-crafted,” “clever,” “a charming story, very original and creative” and “a wonderful read.”

Title: Writer’s Block
Author: M.P. Witwer
Length: Approximately 4,500 words
Price: Free at many sites
Available at: Amazon Kindle Store* (and all international Amazon sites listed below), Barnes & Noble Nook Books, KoboiBooks, SmashwordsScribd and Oyster.

Amazon sites:
– Amazon.com: amazon.com/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– CA: amazon.ca/gp/product/B00FXEAJCM
– UK: amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00FXEAJCM
– AU: amazon.com.au/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– IN: amazon.in/gp/product/B00FXEAJCM
– FR: amazon.fr/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– IT: amazon.it/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– ES: amazon.es/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– BR: amazon.com.br/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– DE: amazon.de/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– NL: amazon.nl/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– JP: amazon.co.jp/dp/B00FXEAJCM
– MX: amazon.com.mx/dp/B00FXEAJCM

* Not free on most Amazon sites

 

Art Show Entries

These three pieces of mine were recently exhibited in a local art show:

The Pups
The Pups were one of just three pieces of clay art selected for the juried show.

 

Lily Pond Tile Mural
This tile mural of a lily pond is carved lightly so it remains functional as a serving tray since the surface is relatively flat.   The tiles may be removed from the tray for use individually or in smaller groupings, such as for a trivet.

 

Totemic Salmon
A combination of carving and bas relief style buildup, this totemic salmon is the only piece of mine that I’ve kept for myself.

 

 

Better Than You

It’s inevitable, it seems, to encounter someone like this along life’s journey…

Hello, I’m new here.
I am better than you.
I’m smarter and kindlier
— Cleverer too!

You’re stupid – you’re snooty –
You’re unworthy of my precious time.
As for me, it’s plain to see:
I’m magnificent and sublime!

While I am Secretariat,
Or perhaps Seattle Slew,
The rest of you, a sorry lot,
Are destined to become glue.

This may seem rather blunt,
But that’s just how I am.
If my directness hurts you,
Well, I don’t give a damn.

Please do not advise me
To better communicate.
I’m quite capable in that regard;
My intent is to berate.

Indeed, what I am doing
Should be welcomed by you all.
In pointing out your shortcomings,
I’m cushioning the fall.

By laying out the facts,
I don’t mean to be unkind.
My superiority, once accepted,
Is a comfort, you will find.

Alas, a point of verity:
No one else is very bright.
It’s best to just acknowledge
That I am always right!

I’ll explain it again
(Since you’re all somewhat slow):
What I speak is the truth,
Because I say so.

My logic is impeccable,
My thought processes grand.
Differing with me is clear proof
That you don’t understand.

Your views would be of value
If they jelled with my opinions.
Though challenges don’t suit me,
I always welcome minions.

Yet by small-minded drudges,
I’ve been taunted and eschewed,
For showing the stupendousness
With which I am imbued.

I simply cannot fathom
Why so many do not like me.
I told you that I’m fabulous —
Could anyone disagree?

You’re all too far beneath me;
I need a brief reprieve.
Climbing back aboard my high horse,
I’ll take my humble leave.

* * *
© 2013 by M.P. Witwer. All rights reserved.